Those Advice from A Father That Helped Me when I became a New Dad

"I think I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of fatherhood.

However the truth rapidly became "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her chief support while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple statement "You aren't in a good spot. You must get support. In what way can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now more comfortable talking about the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a broader inability to communicate between men, who continue to absorb damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It is not a show of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a pause - spending a couple of days away, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of looking after a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son better understand the expression of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "bad choices" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a family member, your partner or a professional what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, resting, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other new dads - sharing their experiences, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help is not failure - taking care of you is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they confronted their struggles, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I think my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."