🔗 Share this article

The current year marks a ten-year milestone since the phrase “ghosting” hit the public consciousness. Back then, the notion that someone could abruptly cease communication with a lover without a word seemed like the peak of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, finding a partner has only become more confounding – an frequently fruitless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Generation Z, a generation who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted challenge on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their Gen Y forerunners could ever envision. And so their romantic lexicon has grown longer and more unhinged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a detailed guide to the phrases gen Z is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring memes, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

---

The Letter A

Authenticity – For gen Z, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A social media test loosely based on a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s reply is interested or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while exuding mystery and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This signifies choosing someone who aids you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do budget-friendly romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a crush or breakup, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to pairs who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of acting aloof: utilizing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Warning signs – Behavioral quirks suggesting a potential partner is not right. Examples include calling their exes unstable, poor tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits affirm your decision to date a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band many young men listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and usually everyday turnoffs that instantly shut down any feelings of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet act.

J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {